sandy_may

sometimes you see someone you thought you had gotten over a long time ago.

and then emotions start to stir that you haven't felt in a long time.


I hope you're happy with your life and your fake fame.
Because you really hurt me when before.


but I guess now we are two different people in two different places, and there isn't anything that can bring us back to last summer.


I hope we can be friends now though

so excited for my birthday.

I guess being sick is a good day to start to plan all this crap.

buh.

Saint cloud was bomb. lots of fun except for the after affect.

I feel like my head is going to split in two.


I'm kind of upset though that my car had to stay in the shop so long. I really wanted to make a surprise visit to someone. Oh well, maybe fate is telling me something here.

haha, either that or I have horrible luck.


blah.


I love sprite.

I had a dream last night I got in and I cried so hard that I got in. and fo some reason the next day I got on the plane and said goodbye to everything I have known for the past 6 years or so. and then I woke up. it was weird.





but anyways
holidazle tonight probably. I love it so much. hot apple cider, warm clothes and faces, lights everywhere.

perhaps saint cloud or duluth tomorrow.

COLLEGE STUFF IS FINALLY DONE!!!!



I stressed so so very much about this schools app and I finally got it done. i feel like a giant weight has been lifted.

other then that, I don't know why but I feel very lost today. kind of needy and I have no idea why. maybe because now that I don't have all these college appointments to make, then I really don't have a bunch to focus on. I guess I have been kind of lonely lately, but I have never let it really get to me. I just wish in the back of my mind that I had someone to put effort into, to use my creativity and open arms for. I haven't even had anything with a guy thats lasted more then two weeks in like 5 or 6 months. I just kinda want to be cute with someone and make them breakfast when they sleep over and go sledding with when it finally snows, and cuddle while we watch movies with even if I have seen them over a billion times.


but oh well, I move on and I hopefully will only have like 10 months left in the MN anyways. Who knows.

tonight I make muffins with some friends.

I'm excited, I absolutely love blueberry muffins

I'm learning that situations and people make it hard to be yourself.


but I'm not givin up.
you either like what you like or back the fuck off.

a note to you.


Ever since I met you my heart and my mind have been playing tug-of-war. I can't get over you or the idea of you and it drives me crazy. I swear to god you never leave my mind if your place is put in the backseat or ridin shotgun. things will be going well and I will wonder if you're having the same luck. things will be going poorly and I'll want to call you for comfort. I don't wish that I never met you because this experience, ever on going, has taught me something. This has taught me that some things in life can and never will be obtained no matter how much you try or how much you want. I don't want to date you now, I see the difficulties that would occur and make it all that much harder, but I do wish you were here. I wish things could be back to where I didn't really care about you, where I didn't think you were that attractive and you were so obsessed with me. I wish I could just delete your number from my phone and take this as another waste of time but I don't think I will ever get over you. I'm coming to realize that now. I found some of your things you had given me today. it nearly killed me when I thought about all those memories. haha, I even still have that green bracelet you stole and decided to give to me that day I nearly tripped with excitement to see you. but you're happy now. You're satisfied now with the life you live even though you find it necessary to taunt me with putting ideas in my head that will never come true. you still leave me hanging on every word you say to me. I've decided that I need to stop talking to you as if it were a year ago. I still want to have you in my life, but I need you to take your hold off my heart. I need to let go and fall back now. I have friends that mean the word to me now to catch me. I need to say goodbye to what I want to happen and move on. it's been a year just about and time is way over due to get on with my life. goodbye.


You'll still be one of my favorite memories.

Thanksgiving was so so much fun. I think that as I get older I only have more appreciation for the people in my life that love me and give me support. hangin with my family and friends was fun, and then during the night...

god. I ended up spoon with someone who erin kindly refers to as the dirty mexican and a exposed friend. But it was all in good fun I guess. the butt end of many inside jokes to come. I just made it a point to throw away the socks I walked in most of the night.

and now for some quality paper writting. I swear all this stress towards cali better be worth it.

hi this is erin
i made sandy's journal
i am her friend
best.
best friend.

it's thanksgiving & we're going to drink whiskey

hooollllerrrr.